Two Week Mark

It's been exactly two weeks since I last got in bed with my sweet husband and said goodnight in person.  Since then, our goodnights have been through phone calls, texts and my favorite, skype.

I can't really tell you why I put off writing about our goodbye on July 5th.  Whenever I had a moment to sit and think about what I would write, tears would swell in my eyes and just as they would begin to run down my cheeks I would find something new to distract me with. 

Our goodbye was more than difficult.  

Call me a baby or whatever else you'd like for being so emotional about a month of distance.  I don't really care because I'm the only one who feels that emptiness.  I look up to anyone who can be away from their spouse for any amount of time...especially if it's longer than a month.  I'm not sure I could go much longer.

Our drive down to the airport was filled with laughter, a few tears (on my part), stories, inside jokes, and reassurance that one month really isn't that long.  It's long.  It's reallllly long.  His hand was constantly in mine as he complained about all the pictures I was taking of him at the wheel, and made videos demanding that he tell me how much he loves me.  I may have watched them every night since. That drive to Salt Lake never felt so short in my life.

We arrived at the airport almost a whole hour earlier than we needed to be.  We parked, got his boarding passes and luggage taken care of, and we waited as long as we could before he had to walk through security.  We sat where people came to meet their loved ones as they came off the plane.  So many emotional moments only made it that more bitter-sweet for us.  We sat in silence as we watched many "welcome homes", and I couldn't help but just let my tears sink into the shoulder of Brad's gray shirt.  He didn't realize I had been crying until he heard me sniffle.  He raised his shoulder I was laying on to raise my head, gave me the biggest grin, and warned me, as he laughed, that I wasn't aloud to cry yet.  We both laughed with our eyes swollen with tears just dying to come out.  We decided we had better say goodbye before it just gets harder.  We hugged, kissed, hugged, cried, laughed, kissed, hugged, and so on.  It was so hard letting him go.   He snuck through security quickly, and I was back in my car already wondering what I was going to do with myself.

I've heard that distance is good for relationships.  I like this quote I found that says "Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great." -Roger de Bussy-Rabutin.  I always knew that Brad and I's marriage was strong.  He hadn't even been gone a day yet, and I had realized how much growth we were already experiencing.  It's been two weeks now, and yes, it's been so hard, but we are strengthening everyday in ways I never really thought we would.  It's amazing.  We have been apart before...when I lived in New Jersey while we were dating, and I thought those months were hard.  This is by far harder.  I have gotten comfortable having my loving husband with me throughout most all of my day, and that comfort has been replaced by this odd emptiness I've never felt before.  I've never been so in love with my husband.  My love has continued to grow since the day I realized I loved him, but it has never felt so strong.  I never thought I was capable of loving this much.

We are about half way there now.  I've had so many loved ones and friends show their love and concern, and it has been so helpful.  Distraction has been key.  I've been able to keep myself pretty busy.  I can't help but keep my phone with me at all times just in case Brad gets service or a little break from fishing, but I'm occupying my time and that helps the most.  I've been working lots, seeing old friends, hanging out with family, planning trips for the weekends, staying on top of treatments, and of course watching my TV shows ;)  I've recently rediscovered all my old journals.  I kept a journal since 8th grade up until about last year, and I was diligent about writing in it every night.  It's been my favorite to read about when we were dating, and re-reading all the letters he sent me while I was in New Jersey.  These documents are getting me by.  I'm surviving, and so is my husband so we are okay. 

My favorite thing is when the boys post pictures of them up there in Alaska.  It doesn't happen too often, but I love when I get to see my Bradley in action, and see that he's doing good!  The pictures are beautiful and I can't wait to get up there in just a few weeks!

Trev sent me this pic of Brad talking to me on the phone.  Something so simple made my day.

I finally did it!  I guess I just needed a little bit of time to get all my thoughts out clearly.  My husband is amazing.  Our relationship is stronger than ever.  I know that he is my other half, and I love him with every single part of me.  We are getting by, and this distance will be over before we know it!  All we can do is just keep living our lives.  We can't stop and sulk all day about how much we miss each other...we already know how much we miss each other, so we just have to keep going and keep smiling.  I love you Bradley!  Can't wait to see you in 18 days 22 hours 45 minutes and 7 seconds! :)

Picture I sent to my Bradley on my way into work.  Big smiles!